This quiz result did show my underlying self-vision, in some ways, although it also seems to depend on your mood when you take it. I am much less depressed than I was yesterday (took me six Valium to survive last evening/night by reaching the state of "Comfortably Numb"), but clearly I am still not optimistic about anything that is going on in my life. Except chelona and voltbang's games night tonight - I am looking forward to that!You are a six-winged Halfbreed!You belong neither to Heaven nor to Hell. You aredoomed to wander the Realms That Are In Betweenfor all eternity until the Judgement Day. Yourfate is absolute loneliness. You are punishedfor a crime you did not commit and redemptionis not within your reach. Your powers areunknown - it's said that a halfbreed will bethe end of everything one day. Therefore youare feared and hated. Your only hope is to findthe other half of your soul - it is your onlysolace. What kind of supernatural being are you? brought to you by Quizilla

I am in the beginnings and endings of so many things right now: new job, new (and renewed) relationships, healing work, and ending (or transitioning) a primary partnership to a casual friendship. Even though so many things are happening in my life, however, I feel like I am in a holding pattern. I don't know if today is the last, next-to-last, or even close to the end of my unemployment and freedom (have to wait for the background clearance check to come through). I am afraid of the new job, but I really want to start work - both for the money, the self-esteem, and the distraction from feelings of loss and heartache. I am calmer than last week - and relieved that the roller coaster ride is no longer upsetting my equilibrium, even if I am still mourning for the good that I am afraid will never again be part of my life. Horror-scope: PiscesWhatever complications have been plaguing you, they now seem to be more manageable. Its not that they have gone away. Its just that you feel better equipped to handle whatever may happen. Your feelings are quieter, yet they are running deeply. Let yourself feel good about the possibilities in front of you.

You are Belle, from The Beauty and the Beast. Manypeople consider you "odd" because youhave new ideas and don't blend in with society.So what? You have yourself and your family andthat's all you need. What Animated Disney Woman are you? brought to you by QuizillaWhat can I say? "I want adventure in the great, wide somewhere. I want it more than I can tell!" This was my favorite Disney movie for years: a brave, strong, self-sacrificing heroine with brown eyes, who spends most of her free time reading... Of course I identified with her! But why do so many of us women trick ourselves into believing that our love will free the prince from his enchantment? Do gay men and women do this, too, with same-sex partners?

Just saw a slice-of-life movie with my film club this morning. It had Javier Bardem and a cast of equally-talented actors who turned in some excellent performances portraying a group of laid-off shipbuilders. It was a lot like The Full Monty - except that nothing good happened for any of the men... Definitely too much reality for a Sunday morning at the end of a week that has already included so much emotional turmoil.

Clearly, I got up way too early this morning, but I spent the night at a friend's huse, and her cat needed to go to the vet first thing, so I was up and out and home again by ::shudder:: 8:30 AM!!! Anyhow, here are two quiz results that truly delighted me...Vampire -- my daddy always told me I was one, so why is he surprised that I don't eat garlic?You're a Vampire!! Seductive, beautiful,mysterious, and quite evil. You're very darkand dangerous.. You kill to feed, and prey uponthe most unsuspecting and beautiful people youcan find... What Fantasy Race Are You? brought to you by Quizilla...and Lara Croft! (I wish)You are Lara Croft, from Tomb Raider, beautiful,strong, smart, adventurous , every man wantsyou. What Angelina Jolie character are you? (Now with pics) brought to you by Quizilla

I have seen Tarot decks of all themes, but this one is... the greatest? I especially enjoyed the Emperor (guess who?) and the Hermit. ::shaking head:: For those of you who have spent as many hours on the Lego kits as my son and I did, enjoy... http://www.reasonablyclever.com/tarot/index.html

Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You feel more emotional than youd like. It is exhausting just trying to keep up with your own changing moods. And its even harder dealing with how your feelings are impacting others, which, in turn, affect you. Its like standing in the mirror room in the funhouse. Its nearly impossible to tell which is real and which is distorted reflection. OK, I don't believe in astrology! Why have these darned things been so spookily on point lately? My emotional roller coaster ride is pretty evident even from the few LJ entries I haven't hidden recently. Could this be an illustration of either the Law of Statistics (once is chance, twice is coincidence, and three times is Someone Trying to Tell you Something) or the Law of True Falsehoods (a concept or act may violate truth patterns of a given personal universe and yet still be "true" if it works in a specific situation)? Well, I have been praying for Guidance on a daily basis, so I guess one thing Someone is trying to tell me is that I should start believing in astrology -- for a while, at least...

Threat rating: Medium. Your total lack of decentfamily values makes you dangerous, but we cancount on some right wing nutter blowing you upif you become too high profile. What threat to the Bush administration are you? brought to you by QuizillaWell, I'm not surprised -- rather proud, if it must be known. This quiz was was rather simplisitc, of course: if I believed in gun control, I probably would have scored as a Democrat; and if I had ever picketed for habitat preservation (instead of fighting through legal action), I probably would have scored as an Environmentalist.

1. COLOR OF THE SOCKS ON YOUR FEET? Socks? In the summer? I dont think so2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? As in read one book at a time? Who are you kidding? I am in the middle of Mistress of the Empire, the Book of the Courtesans, The Sea is Full of Stars, Portrait of a Lady, The Golden Bowl, and (about to start) Gordon.3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Gustav Klimts The Kiss.4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Hmmm. Civilization (old version) Europe is mine! Settlers of Cataan? Web of Power? Medina? So many games, so few players5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Jane and Cosmo are my guilty pleasures, but I dont really have the time or money for magazines, generally.6. FAVORITE SMELL? I am a scent slut (which means, to me, that I love many different scents and cannot control myself). I love the sexy-spicy-sweet smell of cinnamon, the comforting childhood aroma of morning coffee (even though I drink morning tea), and the scent-gasmically releasing smells of good patchouli or warm, dark semi-liquid chocolateOn a man, the scent of coconut suntan oil or Drakkar Noir can drive me insane. 7. FAVORITE SOUND? The orchestral piece that is the ocean! The rumbling sound of the waves rolling in, and the crash as they break. The plaintive brass of the seagull screech, and the gentle susurrus of the breeze. I dont think it gets any better than that unless, of course, its hearing the words I love you from the voice of someone you love.8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? The anger of finding out that someone I trusted has lied to me.9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DO WHEN YOU WAKE UP? Slam the alarm snooze button -- I don't DO mornings. 10. FAVOURITE COLOR? Sapphire blue.11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Depends on how long it takes me to find it or what I am doing when it rings: there are some things - like dinner, sex, and play - that are more important (that is why we have answering machines and cell phones, right?).12. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? This question does not apply: I have actual child and no future plans. Of course, I always wanted to have a Basil Alexander, Sean Paul, Jessica Catharine, and Rosemary Angela, so I suppose those never-to-be-born future children should be very thankful13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? To crush your enemies whoops! sorry, channeling the wrong energies, there. Living, loving, laughing, learning14. FAVOURITE FOOD? Pad thai? Turnip cake with sausage? Warm, gooey brownies? Sushi?15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate.16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Only if the top is down17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Im taking the Fifth on this one, if you dont mind.18. THUNDERSTORMS? I hate the migraines they sometimes give me, but I love watching and feeling their power and beauty (now that I have a good surge protector).19. WHAT TYPE WAS THE FIRST CAR YOU OWNED? Mazda.20. IF YOU COULD MEET ANYONE DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? John Malkovich.21. IF YOU WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO WEAR ONE PIECE OF CLOTHING: My burgundy and blue sarong.22. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN? Slippery when wet? Dangerous curves ahead? Caution Men Working?23. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Of course.24. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? Astronaut (space shuttle navigator)!25. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOUR: Gee, Batman, what color should it be this month? 26. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Always.27. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? What glass?28. FAVOURITE MOVIES? The King of Hearts, The Wizard of Oz, Peggy Sue Got Married, Sneakers, The Seventh Seal, Time Bandits, Ladyhawke, Blade Runner, To Have and Have Not, Casablanca, The Maltese Falcon, For Me and My Gal, Brigadoon, and (hmmm) all the Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers musicals.29. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? When I write them, sure.30. ANYTHING UNDER YOUR BED? Of course - that is why there are underbed storage boxes...31. FAVORITE NUMBER? Pi.32. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Hockey - no: baseball da Bronx Bombers RULE!33. FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES? My comfy walking sandals.34. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE? Single malt scotch? Manhattans (with good cherries not the bubble gum ones)? Herrerra Reserve? Remy Martin? Mandarin Napoleon? Chambord? Actually, I only drink wine with dinner, but I can remember -- and dream35. FAVORITE PIECE OF CLOTHING? My dark blue Burgundian? My bright blue Belle (Beauty and the Beast) outfit? My pewter and white corset?36. LONG OR SHORT NAILS? As long as they will grow before my lifestyle causes them to break (not usually long).

You're Angelina Jolie...you may jump from thing tothing...but you know who you are and no onehelped you to get there. You a crazy mammajamma... What actress are you? brought to you by QuizillaAgain, in my dreams! Well, time to get into my LC gear and go be a real wild child!

Thank all the Powers that be -- I have a job! I start on the 21st - assuming the security clearance paperwork goes through without a hitch! It will be a long-term (years) contracting position that will make so many things easier - even if I will be working and commuting twice as many hours as before. I will be learning new skills and gaining valuable experience -- always wonderful. I will also be paid a respectable gross hourly rate, so people will treat me as a valuable team member (instead of as the dogsbody I sometimes felt like at my last company). Ditto on the wonderful scale.Life has been so challenging in so many ways lately that I really needed some encouraging news, even if A did come over to make sure that I was alright yesterday afternoon ::smile:: and even if dinner with M was enjoyable (she is so intelligent, cultured, amusing, patient, and generous of spirit that spending time with her is always a delight). Before Tuesday, I had really been forcing myself to focus on even the tiniest good or beautiful aspect of life. Please don't misunderstand: some aspects of my life have been true blessings -- my friends, the man I love, the other men in my life, the opportunity for solitude and rest, and getting the mess in my home under control have all helped sustain me and keep my life beautiful even though so many difficulties in my life have made me struggle. Still, this week / last couple of months have been "challenging" in so many ways that all just seemed to come to a head yesterday afternoon...I still have no idea what is happening in some areas of my life. And the money will probably be a problem for another month or two until I get my bills under control (and find a roommate), but I still feel as if I have slain the Jabberwock!

You should be a Sagittarius, your Independent,honest, optimistic, and good-humored, but youcan be rebellious, irresponsible, and sometimesa little careless. ~*What is your TRUE Zodica sign?*~ brought to you by QuizillaOK: Now I think I have wound down from my date and can finally go to bed... I miss A.

You belong in Time Enough For Love. You are olderthan you look. Your wit and wisdom are prizedby others. People throw themselves on you,begging to be with you. Which Heinlein Book Should You Have Been A Character In? brought to you by QuizillaIt figures. Of course, all Heinlein books eventually become one Heinlein book, anyway, in the multiverse of n-dimensional physics, right?

Here is the URL for the Geek test: http://www.innergeek.us/geek.html. As I said, it was fairly frighening -- I actually scored higher (40.8284% - Major Geek) than a friend who runs SETI programs on multiple computers...Thanks again for a great Games Night, chelona and voltbang! It was much fun and a lovely game fix.

I went for a wonderful walk this afternoon at the creek. I originally planned to just take my book, enter by the middle path, and read in what I call the Fairy Place. It is a clearing by the creek with a bench and two large trees that seem like the perfect home for fairies. It is incredibly peaceful, and I usually use it as a place to calm my spirit and renew my emotional energy.It's amazing, but I can always find new things in a place that I have been visiting and exploring for over twenty years. It's the same way with many books and movies, of course. Part of it is the change in my perception. Whatever is going on in my life does change how I view the world around me. For example, if I spend several hours viewing an art exhibit, when I leave the museum or gallery, I view the world as if it had been crafted by the artist whose work I just viewed. There's nothing like leaving an Expressionist exhibit to walk around DC - you feel like you are in Paris! Well, on this walk, it was different, because I took a different path and then left the path completely. I wandered on various trails and through relatively cleared areas. Did stupid things like pretending I was Lara Croft in a jungle. I used a stick to "vault" small arms of the creek, hopped from sandbar to mudbar to navigate a section without any trails, found the paintball field again -- it's been abandoned already, but someone built an incredible fort since the last (and first) time I found it - and eventually made it to the footbridge! Yay! I was eaten alive, of course, and I returned home so muddy that I had to change clothes before I went to the party.I realize that I am a very childish person. I delight in a lot of things that people consider to be foolish or trite. I occasionally wonder if A will tire of me, because of this -- finding my silliness to be too arch or coy to be becoming (especially at my age). Well, I can behave in a more mature way when the setting demands it; if my innocent folly disgusts him, I can just behave like a grown-up around him, walk without him (at times), and write out my silliness in stories and journal entries! If that doesn't work, well that's too bad, because that's part of who I am, and I like myself. Of coursem I think he really likes me, just as I am, except for my chronic lateness, untidiness, and verbal hemorrhaging (and he is curing me of the first two and putting up with the latter). ::sigh:: How did we both get so lucky?

It's going to be a quiet day today. Some chores, errands, jobhunting, writing, and a walk by the creek. Quiet is good, I suppose, because I have a fairly hectic weekend planned. A game party tonight (with fresh, new opppo - errh, players! - who don't know my evil ways: always exciting), a 4th of July party/cookout at my friends' (T & T's) new place, swimming (solo) and the Folklife festival (with D) on Saturday, and maybe something with Aliantha on Sunday. It should be a great weekend, except that A will be away, and I have already started to miss him a little... ::shaking it off:: I am being silly: I know that we will both have a lovely time.

Very strange. They want me to come back for a third interview (with the Contracting Officer) even though the COTR seems to believe that I lack the technical ability for the job. Well, we will see...

Went for a callback interview today and turned in a good performance. The job is fairly far around the Beltway from where I live, so I had not felt enthusiastic about it (looong commute). I was surprised, however, by how much I liked the idea of working for the company representative - and the government COTR - who interviewed me. It seems like a great opportunity, even if it would take a lot of work for me to meet the challenge. Of course, I like challenges and do my best work when I am learning and growing. Here's hoping that I get this job - or one of the other opportunities I have in the pipeline!Well, time to check e-mail and head for the pool!

So many people care for my friend/love, and I think that sometimes he puts so much pressure on himself trying to live up to what he may see as our expectations. I hope that he will someday realize that people who love him will still love him, even if he exercises the right to tell us that he feels we are demanding too much of him in any given situation. He is a multi-faceted gem. I acknowledge that he has the absolute right to live as he chooses, to maintain his own privacy, and (even) to protect himself. I am grateful and honored with the facets he has chosen to share with me - and with the patience, courage, and persistence he has demonstrated in dealing with my moods and follies. Sometimes I wish I could convince him, however, that multi-dimensional living can be the most incredible adventure, even if living genuinely can also be the greatest challenge. Becoming oneself fully and owning even the shadow parts of one's personality is an on-going process - with setbacks and sidetracks enough! It is a magical life, full of real thrills, joys, and despairs. Of course, I will admit that many people seem to live quite satisfactory lives without ever trying to live genuinely. Just because their lives may seem quiet or dull or even incomplete - to me - does not make them any less worth living. After all, I cannot deny that it is a traditional curse to wish that someone may live in interesting times... ::rueful grin:: On the other hand, doesn't it seem that there are many adrenaline-junkies who seem to fabricate artificial stress and excitement (in compensation for the lack of real magic) in living their otherwise mundane lives?Anyway, I hope that my friend and love will someday feel he does not need to compartmentalize me according to my role or function in his life [although this entry is NOT me complaining or even claiming that he does so!]. I do not need him to be more than he can be or to give me more of himself than he can give, right now; I freely acknowledge that he is in charge of his life and of our relationship. What happens is his decision, and I respect that - and him. I wish that over time, however, he may come to trust me with more of himself and to feel that he does not need to hide parts of himself from me in order to fit any image - even if our normal interactions may seem to be flavored with a basic taste [NOT garlic ::grin::]. Over time, he will learn who's strength and support can be there for him, as we know that his has been here for all of us.There is no hurry!

It has been a wonderful weekend, filled with a healthy balance of fun, exercise, learning, and love. I am still glowing from it all... or is that glow the result of something else?It has been so long since I actually had time to enjoy summer that I had forgotten how wonderful it can be - sticky weather, bugs, and all... Swimming, for one thing: pools (indoor and outdoor ones) have been a part of my life since I was four, but there is always still something new and fresh about stepping into the clean, coldness of water. It revives and revitalizes me -- and always has, even before I was 75 pounds overweight and acquired various illnesses that have made it difficult to stay in shape (I fully acknowledge the role of my own choices and priorities in reaching this point). Well, anyway - swimming and clowning around in an outdoor pool are wonderful parts of summer that I had forgotten while working so hard the last several summers. Remembering that again at Gathering last year (and since) has allowed me to use water to renew myself. And it is (of course) always good to reconnect with water...This weekend involved quite a bit of reconnecting, actually. Swimming in the pool, walking in a beautiful place that was my magical space as a child (my father took me there fishing almost every weekend for about three years), seeing a live production of one of my favorite Shakespearean comedies [I am NOT Olivia!], cooking [having someone who appreciates my cooking again is wonderful], and playing games (of various ratings from G to NC-17) with friends. One of the film clubs to which I belong screened and discussed a strange and mysterious movie today: "North Fork." It was not a consistently good picture - too pretentious and even precious, at times [Don't even think about saying it! ::grin::]. Still, it was mysterious and beautiful and contained some really poignant performances by Nick Nolte and James Woods. It was a picture that I am glad to have experienced, and I think it will linger long on my memory.What a healing relief after the stress and pain of the medical tests on Friday! OK, I admit it: I am a wimp and have a very low tolerance for pain. Still, where the doctor cut, it hurt (and still does -- in addition to everything else that still hurts)... I hope I will sleep well tonight. I can actually go to bed at a reasonable hour, because the friends I was supposed to pick up at the airport tonight at 11 PM missed their flight and will not be able to get back until tomorrow... ::shudder:: They definitely have my sympathies - stuck in Salt Lake City overnight...